This is a very intimate and personal text I sent to a person I've been in a friends with benefits relationship with. My connection with her started way back from 10th grade and continued up until a few weeks ago. Even when I converted to a christian that link was still open.
She's an amazing person, without a doubt! If you're reading this know that you're still incredible in my eyes! And I hope all good gets you. And knowing that we're both christians, I hope God cleanses us for our future partners.
There are some terms I've put an astericks(*) mark on and so pay special attention to them as well and check out why I used those terms at the end.
Hey Jessica, You're one of the cutest, sweetest, coolest, fun, sexiest, wholesome person I know. I call you a friend but your place is somewhere unique and special. I've had the absolute delight in knowing you as a person and also in knowing you in the most intimate, nude, intricate way possible. And you knew me that way too. This knowledge we have of eachother isn't going to wash away anytime soon.
I don't know about your spiritual life but I know you are a Christian. α₯α after we fuck around, I go right back to God and be accepted by him. But I don't know if you do the same and I feel the absolute conviction from God. That α¨α«α΄ α³α«αα΅, I'm pushing you even further away from him. And you know how painfully loud God is when he convicts and councils you.
Me in my absolute selfishness αα«α΄ Godα α αααΌ and delghting in his peace, freedom and satisfaction. α ααΊα αα when I come to you I don't bring any of it. While God wanted you so much and while you needed him and wanted to be with him, I kept him hidden away from you and only used us for sex.* And he convicts me so much for it. And I'm sorry I did that to you.
Now my body really hates me for doing this and I know I might regret it but this's where we end. And I know you'll understand why I'm doing this, and I know you'll support it... which adds more to your character of being this amazing person to me. I'll be thinking bout you and will be wishing to get back to you pretty soon. But won't be able too.
I like you Jessy. Honestly I'm kinda lucky to be your friend and to go deeper with you. So this's me not being selfish and finally cutting this long and intimate bond we've formed and finally setting you free. And I'm hoping that God will get a bigger step closer to you as I leave what we've built with our lust. This's just step one so he'll handle what comes to you after this.
I've blocked you. And I think you should do the same. I was thinking that I should preach to you and tell you all that spiritual stuff but I'm not that person for us in this relationship. I apologize for ruining the image of Christianity for you (If I have) But the Dagim you saw isn't the Christ I try to represent. Christ is much more... so much more! I'm just a very horrible representative of him for the moment. But I have prayed for you and will continue to do so. So that someday we might meet back again and just delight in God for saving us from our guilty pleasures.*
I'm a bad (if not the worst) symbol to represent God for you but right now I hope I represent something important for you. That someone as shitty as me who cheats, lusts around and is a hypocrite can be transformed because of God. We both know that I wouldn't end this connection we have, the past 6 years are proof of that. But here I am doing it and I want you to know that I was only able to make this decision because God counciled me to do so and because he gave me the strength to break this intimate bond we have. And we both know how strong bonds formed out of lust can be.
So if anything, When the voices in your head tell you that you can't improve or be better or that you can't make the tough decisions to be better and be set free... Let me be an opposing voice in your head for those moments. Tell them that the Jesus that helped Dagim heal, can help you too.
Have a wonderful life Jessy. God will save us and clean us up and make us brand new. β€οΈ
*Sex: is what I called it because even though our relationship was mostly virtual, the intimacy formed is nothing less than of it.
*Guilty Pleasures: is what we used to call our encounters because we both felt horrible for doing it yet we did it anyway.
This was difficult to publish because it shades a new light on me, specially for those of you that don't know me too close. But I know that there are others like me who can't end the links they've formed and who have found it almost impossible to break out of connections like this. So let this be evidence that you can and that you should. It's worth it!
Remember, The less bad links you have the more room you're allowing for God to be intimately involved with you. And that is what heaven is... to have the most intimate and personal connection with God.
"α΅αα΅ α¨αααα α΅ α¨α₯ααα α₯αα αΈα αα°αα½ αα α°ααα¦α ααα€ αα α αΈα α αα’α α΅ ααααα αααα ααα΅α αα°αα£ α α αα ααα α«α³α½αα α αααα΅ α α½α΅α α£ α α₯ααα°α αααα³α αααα΅ α₯αα΅ααα α«α΅α°αα¨αα::" α²αΆ 2:11-12 (α α²α± α.α΅)
For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age. Tit 2:11-12 (NIV)